Ok I’m not coping. I have had a week off already and I’m more anxious than when I left work. I’m juggling so many balls to do with my health, finances and work that I’m in overwhelm still, everything is so hard. My Canberra doctor has provided an update to work and I will now be working only 20 hours a week until May next year, that's six months longer than he originally said. Great, haven’t budgeted for that.
But the bit that took me over the edge was him saying that this cornea graft is not likely to provide any vision.
Why would anyone do this to someone else? Why would the doctors put me through a procedure that requires significant life restrictions for 18 months if I’m not going to have any hope at the end. I can’t do this. I can’t live through all of this pain and heart ache for what? To be left blind at the end? To have lost my home, lost my job, lost my soul and independence? When the walls come crumbling down they crash really hard.
I had been crying so much the last few weeks that my cornea eye was stinging really bad so I went to a doctor who said that it was all raw inside. Oh crap! Great, so not only am I losing it mentally and physically but I’m also ruining the one thing that is most important to me in the whole world – my chance of sight!
I needed to find something to pick me up and fast.