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Complete breakdown

A lady sitting on rocks with her head in her knees

Well it had to happen sometime. I’d been pushing myself to keep going to deal with everything that was thrown my way with a positive and mindful attitude and then keep on going.

The amount of energy it takes to get up each day and soldier on through the headaches, to deal with the vision loss and vision fatigue, to deal with continually adjusting my life to meet my restrictions, to understand my changing prognosis, to keep up with the demands from my day job, trying to learn how to work part-time and learn the assistive software, trying to maintain some study so that I can complete me Wellness Coaching certificate this year, to be social and to rest, it’s just so much.

It’s really hard being a sick person, I don’t want to be known or seen as a sick person, but my body doesn’t have the same energy or capacity as it used to and my return to work restrictions from my doctors confirm that I’m not at full capacity and nor should I be. I have 20-odd stitches in my eye that are like an open wound and constantly remind me that they are there through pain, aches and headaches.

I’m anxious 24-7 about doing something to hurt my eye. I know the doctors meant well when they told me to be careful, but having so much onus put on whether or not I’ll gain sight from this graft is just too much.

I also have my nut allergies and I’m more afraid now of going into anaphylaxis than ever before because of the risk that the allergic reaction or the adrenalin from the epi pen could cause the graft to reject. At least one meal every day I’m anxious about eating, this isn’t helping my body to heal.

My latest vision loss is li