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God help me ... Please stop my cornea from deteriorating

Well I went in for my specialist appointment today to check up on the cornea graft and get my other cornea scanned.

The anxiety build-up before these appointments is incredible. It consumes me for days beforehand and it’s hard to think of anything else. I know that it’s not good to focus on negative things but my ability to see is so important to me and the thought of more surgery on that eye terrifies me.

As you read in my 22 July post, I’ve been doing visualisations of my cornea healing and eating really healthy so I’m pretty pumped to show the doctors that I can beat this. I’m ready for a scan result of over 500 for the thinnest part of my cornea. The result...... was way below 500. Sigh. God help me.

It was 470. Oh fuck it's the worst result I've had yet. It means the good result that I got last month of 520 was not the miracle I was hoping for.

The doctor talked to me again about needing cross-linking surgery to slow or stop the deterioration. I raised my concern about the surgery not been performed twice on the one eye very often and the risk of it causing blindness and he said that my circumstances are rare that it might be the best chance I have of maintaining sight.

Holy crap. This is not cool. I don’t want this surgery. How can I possi