Adapting to life with my cornea graft ...
I thought today would be a good day and that I wouldn't have anything to blog about, but that wasn't the case ...
I'm not sure if it's because I haven't been sleeping well (I'm drafting this at 2.30am as I've given up on just lying in bed for hours hoping to fall back to sleep), or if it was because 3 weeks later I really am still recovering from my major eye surgery.
Mum and my sister picked me up at 11.30am to go for our Mother's Day lunch to a nice restaurant over looking the lake. We had a yummy lunch and coffee and then mum dropped my off at one of my friend's sons first birthday party just after 2pm.
Of course one of the first things I did was pick up the birthday boy, who wouldn't want to cuddle such a cutie? He was playing with his balloons and his little arm kept waving near my face so I closed my eye so that he wouldn't accidentally poke my grafted eye. Was he too heavy? Did that strain my eye? Or was it because I was on high alert the whole time... Cringing a little as I went in for each hug greeting a friend to ensure my eye didn't get bumped? Or was it because I was looking up and down and around during conversations, as my eyes looked at whomever was talking? Was it because I spent 10 minutes kicking a soccer ball with one of the kids? Or did I lift one of the one year olds one too many times? Or did I laugh and talk so much that my cheek pushed up against my eye and the over use hurt it? All completely normal stuff...
I lasted less than four hours at the party, six hours out of the house all up. I was exhausted and my eye was burning more as time passed. I reminded myself that whenever I use it to focus for too long I feel the burn and strain anyway and it wasn't extremely painful so I just put up with the discomfort. Besides, I love my friends and it's really nice being around them, laughing and having good conversations.
I came home and the graft side of my face was hurting all over, not just around my eye. My cheek ached, my forehead ached, the top of my head ached, my eye lid burned and I felt weak and tired. I did a check in on my eye and it felt warm and heavy, but not painful. The doctor said go to ER if my eye really hurts, but it wasn't really my eye, just all around it.
I heated up some soup, showered to ensure my eye and body was clean before I got into bed - don't want any infections, and then I put on Fringe and rested in bed... It was only 6pm on a Saturday night. #funtimes
One of my friends messaged me, which was really good timing as I was trying to not think about my eye and didn't want to go to the ER two Saturday nights in a row. Distracting myself with friends is a really good way to take my mind off the pain and to focus on what they're doing and laughing lifts my spirits :)
I did one of my mindfulness techniques where I focus in on my breathing, then on my eyes and I focus sending healing energy and love to both of them, then to my heart, where I acknowledge my feelings of fear, anxiety, pain, loneliness, (whatever comes up) and then I have a bit of a cry and let it go, because I'm going to be ok. I am a peace with what is.
Within an hour of lying in the dark the pain had reduced to bearable and I checked in with my eye again - the burning had reduced on my eyelids, eyeball and cornea felt fine. I took some nuerofen to ease the last bit of pain and went to sleep. 7.30pm ... Living the life of a rockstar lol
I'll definitely talk to my local specialist about this when I see him on Thursday.
And I really want this nervous pain in my belly to reduce, it's like the black dog of anxiety, always there. Maybe I could call it my pink frog, because it rhymes with dog, I love pink and it jumps around in my tummy so much it's like a frog!
I am at peace with what is....
Miss Nat xoxo